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  • Writer's pictureBrian

Broken Bodies

Updated: Apr 23, 2020

Subconscious patterns express themselves through our physical bodies.


First, we experience some kind of fear/anxiety. We judge this fear/anxiety, resulting in emotions. We then seek out the "good" part of those emotions and avoid the "bad" part of those emotions. Then, we utilize our external reality in order to reinforce this. Eventually, we reject this entire part of our self.


This compartmentalizes this part of our self. It is also when we objectify this part of our self.


As we objectify ourselves, we also objectify the present moment and everything in it, including our physical body. In this way, our physical body becomes the battle ground for all of our internal conflicts.


As we objectify our bodies, we lose our close, intimate connection with it. We struggle to love our body in itself, attached to the belief that we can only love the idea of our body. In this way, we continually objectify our bodies, hoping that we can someday love our body.


However, it never actually works.


You cannot love your body unconditionally if you are attached to your idea of how your body must be.


As we become more attached to our idea of how our body must be, our desires also start to be directed toward these ideas. We start to seek out these ideas through others. This is when we start to romanticize forms of love that we lack for our body and project them onto others. We start to perceive basic forms of love as romantic, quickly becoming attached to those who show us these basic forms of love.


The forms of love that we romanticize typically become sexualized as well. We start to experience sexual arousal at the thought of receiving these forms of love.


The sexual arousal from these sexualized feelings is simply a combination of:

  1. Romanticized forms of love - When we perceive a form of love to be lacking within ourselves, we may romanticize those forms of love as forms of love that we can only receive through romantic relationships or interactions.

  2. Desires for intimacy/vulnerability - As we become more disconnected from our body, we also become numb to our body and its feelings. We then desire to reconnect with these feelings intimately (closely in the present) and with vulnerability (surrendering of defense mechanisms designed to push these feelings away).

  3. Excitement - Typically, we feel ashamed of our sexual desires that are rooted in romanticized feelings because these desires often become extremely distorted ("kinky", "freaky", etc.). This shame actually makes the desire seem more exciting than it really is, adding to our insatiable desire to act out on these desires. When we feel ashamed of our desires, we believe that we must hide or suppress those desires. The excitement we feel is the freedom from our own shame/control.


Ultimately, this becomes a huge emotional mess. It is very unlikely that we will be able to understand all of this initially in the moment. However, if the individual is willing to learn some skills, they can completely deconstruct this subconscious pattern and reconnect with their body like never before.


  1. Mindfulness! - Your body is very fragmented, and each fragment has its own emotional story. You must greet each fragment in the present moment with openness, which is very difficult to do if you are addicted to judgment. Practice mindfulness through meditation, and expand this mindfulness throughout the day.

  2. Let go of your idea of how your body MUST be! - As a young child, you are perfectly fine with the way your body is. However, over time, we condition ourselves to believe that our body can be more lovable if we conform it to our/society's idea of how our body should be. You can unlearn these ideas by being mindful throughout the day. These ideas are only stuck in our subconscious because you continually reinforce them on a regular basis. If you are mindful enough, you will notice the ways in which you reinforce these limiting beliefs.

  3. Confront your feelings! - We are so addicted to feeling "good" about our bodies through our external reality. This often looks like addictions to physical pleasures. However, we desperately refuse to feel the "bad" feelings in our body. Your body is an emotional being, not some robot for you to control. Practice feeling numb areas of your body. Practice feeling deeply in your blind spots. You can notice your blind spots throughout the day if you are mindful. Your blind spots are typically when you are using your external reality to avoid/suppress certain feelings. This will be obvious because it will present itself in the form of a subconscious pattern with little conscious intention.

  4. Openness! - As you reconnect with your body deeply, you will need to let go of SO MANY limiting beliefs about yourself. You must be open to seeing yourself/the world a different way. You must be open to seeing how much you close your mind on a regular basis, fixating on limiting beliefs rooted in fear.

  5. Express yourself! - Indulging in some form of artistic expression helps us channel our inner child. When our inner child comes out, we have more innocence (less judgment). We are more likely to explore parts of ourselves instead of judging and labeling them without even getting to know them.

  6. Learn about your body! - Spend time with yourself with the intention to learn more about yourself! Are you experiencing issues in certain parts of your body? Do some research about your anatomy. Do a body scanning meditation with the intention to get to know that part of your body more. You can never know too much about yourself.

  7. Spend time in nature! - One of the easiest ways to reconnect is to spend time in nature. Nature helps us drop our controlling defense mechanisms. It helps us feel the natural energy of the planet all around us. It helps relieve anxiety as we feel more oneness.

 

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