Updated: May 5, 2020
Working with children has taught me so much about the inner child inside of us.
The"little you"- tender, emotional, and innocent.
Deep down, even as adults, we all just want to laugh, play, and have fun. It can feel scary when everything is foreign to you and you're exploring new things. Imagine being a tiny child in the world where everything is your first experience, and you are trying to figure how to be. Very sensitive children tend to be the one's who act out the most because they don't have the tools to manage the intensity they feel.
Children often act out when they feel frustrated, overwhelmed, scared, confused, or hurt. They cannot find the words to express themselves yet.
That is exactly why it is our mission to help guide them and hold space for their intense feelings. Nurturing a child's emotional well-being is essential to their developmental growth as a human being.
S T O P child-shaming:
Put downs-"You're acting like a spoiled brat"
Comparison-"No one is acting like you"
Moralizing- "Good boys don't behave like that!"
Age-based- "Stop acting like a baby!"
Gender-based- "Boys don't cry! Wipe those tears away!"
Responsibility for adult feelings:-"How embarrassing!" You embarrassed me!"
Shame O N L Y does damage. There is literally N O T H I N G good that comes from shame.
Shaming can be deeply damaging:
-It undermines a persons sense of self-worth
-It takes away from true learning
-It creates disconnection and in the parent child relationship
-It risks children internalizing, something for life, that they are inherently bad, different, less-than.
It is a big task to stop our internalized shame from being P R O J E C T E D onto our children, and it takes a great deal of A W A R E N E S S, reflection, and practice.
The simple answer is E M P A T H Y, being non-judgmental, compassionate, and responding with an open heart and mind.
Choose connection, understanding, and trust!
Children are designed, by nature, to play and explore in their ways on their own initiative. This is how they discover their passions and have fun!
You can only meet your children as deeply as you've met yourself.
Hold space with your heart and be kind to yourself and your children.
Much love and appreciation, VC